


Redheaded Menaces

by Procrastination_Writer



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Hastur is living his best life, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-05-31 14:29:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19427869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Procrastination_Writer/pseuds/Procrastination_Writer
Summary: Heaven and Hell have left Crowley and Aziraphale alone after Apocalypse That Wasn't for ten years when they decide to check on them.They weren't ready.





	Redheaded Menaces

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Redheaded Menaces](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20771516) by [FatimaAlegra](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FatimaAlegra/pseuds/FatimaAlegra)



> Hi, guy's, this is based on [this](https://fangirlingpuggle.tumblr.com/post/185944247354/vanhout-le1st-fangirlingpuggle) convo between myself and fangirlingpuggle. Enjoy!

It had been 10 years since the Apocalypse That Wasn't, when Uriel bought up the subject.

_"Maybe we should check on The Traitors."_

There is a small problem, however.

They don't live in London anymore.

* * *

It turns out that Hell is also looking for their Traitor. So they, reluctantly, join forces to find them.

The search leads them to Petersfield in South Downs. A little picturesque town, though absolutely dull compared to London in Gabriel's opinion.

Once there it's easy to find them. The old lady that works in the bakery keeps gushing over a Mr.Fell, and after that, it's easy to find the little cottage.

Gabriel knocks once. When it doesn't open they assume no one is at home and start to leave.

That's when the door opens, and he and The Prince of Hell look back, ready to face the Traitor that opened it.

Only it's not one of The Traitors. A little girl about 9 years old is at the door. Gabriel looks at her, with her curly red hair and light yellow eyes and feels the horror creeping up his spine.

Oh no. Nonononononononono. What have they done?!

Beelzebub makes a noise like they're choking on air after realizing the same thing he did.

The child tilts her head "Hello. Can I help you?"

(Later the Prince of Hell will make fun of him for running away. And then Gabriel will mention that he wasn't the only one, plus it's not running away. It was a strategic retreat!)

* * *

Hastur is fucked. In fact, they are ALL fucked in his opinion.

It had been his turn in following the child, and he'd been doing so disguised as a frog. Easy disguise. Easy day at work.

WRONG!

He'd been following the child as she went picking flowers when suddenly a jar came out of nowhere trapping him.

"Gotcha! Eve look what I caught!" He looks at whoever trapped him, ready to transform back, and finds himself looking at the child he'd been following.

Wait, what?!

There are footsteps and then a second little girl, identical to the one holding the jar, joins his line of sight.

Oh no! There are two of them!

Fun fact, Hastur has never seen the Traitors house.

It's disgusting. The garden is full of flowers, the house smells of pastries and it's. Too. Damn. BRIGHT!

"Hey, Evie, Lily what have you got there?" The girl not holding the jar runs into the house and Hastur starts to panic.

"Dad, look at what Lilith caught!" The girl (Lilith? Hastur's head hurts, which one is which after all?!), is holding the jar up as if for inspection as soon as Crowley walks out of the house, the other little girl pulling his arm.

The Snake Traitor looks at him. Oh shit, oh fuck! Please don't recognize him!

He smirks (Shit, he did!) "Hmmm, that's nice. Now leave that in the coffee table in the living room, so you girls can set it free later."

"Awww, do we have to?"

"Yes dad, can we keep it please?"

"Well," No, please Satan no! "Why don't we see what your father as to say about that."

Bastard!

And now here he is. In an aquarium in The Traitors house, getting invested in a Spanish novella!

Oh well. He can always claim he was being kept a prisoner if anyone asks.

* * *

Michael will tell you that they are composed, most of the time.

THIS is one of the RARE, occasions in which they aren't.

So it's in this particular Spring morning, five months after they found The Traitors and their... offspring (four months since, apparently, Hastur disappeared according to Hell), that Michael, while following them during a family outing, discovered the secret.

So many things make sense now. Gabriel reporting the girl arriving home, while Michael had just seen her exiting a bookstore.

There were two of them. Identical, down to the way they were dressed and, both of them reading a book while the Traitor takes the food out of the basket.

One of them looks up, straight at Michael with narrowed yellow eyes, and they swear (SWEAR!) that the child knows exactly who they are and what they are doing.

And then the Demon shows up holding another child. Hair a lighter shade than the girls, but still curly and he reaches for Aziraphale as soon as he sees him. Michael sucks in a breath when they see the blue of the boys' eyes.

Between the hair color and those eyes, he looks like...

NO! Do not go there Michael!

They stay on the bench for what feels like hours, until the small unit leaves.

That's when the metaphorical bomb falls.

"It looks like Raphael is getting sleepy. Must be time for his nap."

Oh, they did not!

* * *

It had been a good day in Aziraphale opinion. Crowley and the girls hadn't antagonized Michael, Raphael hadn't been fussy and Adam had called to say he was going to be visiting later that week.

So why, does he have a very angry mob of angels, plus the Prince of Hell for some reason, in his living room?

"You named him Raphael. How dare you?!" Ah. It's going to be THAT talk.

"Well, Humans have a habit of naming children after their parents. I don't see why I couldn't do that as well."

The others don't take that bit very well, starting to talk over one another.

"That makes no sense, you stupid..."

"Gabriel, I swear you weren't this dumb before I fell." Everyone shuts up, and slowly turn their attention to Crowley leaning on the doorstep leading to the hallway.

Gabriel, in Aziraphale humble opinion, appears to be doing what Adam calls a fish impression before muttering "Wait, you're..."

"Well," Crowley drawls out, moving into the room as if he wasn't dropping, what would be to the Archangels in the room, a horrible fact "I couldn't very well keep THAT name after I fell, now could I?"

And for the first time since knowing him, Aziraphale watches the Archangel Fucking Gabriel & Co, go quiet with horror.

From the top of the stairs, the twins cackle at the chaos.

Somehow, Aziraphale thinks as Gabriel & Co disappear, HE's going to end up with the paperwork.

"Hold on, is that Hastur in the aquarium?!" Crowley joins the girls in their cackling at the face Beelzebub is doing.

So much paperwork.

**Author's Note:**

> Not too sure about the ending, I might have to go back to it.


End file.
